I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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