My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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