I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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