Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
