he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
