who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
