Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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