i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
