I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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