he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
