Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
