So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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