dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
accomplished twins. life is a go
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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