I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
operation have a gay friend backfired
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
