I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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