I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
