Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
