His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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