Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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