soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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