Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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