He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
