i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
