Me too!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
