I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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