i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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