I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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