Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
