i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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