mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
