Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
