If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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