my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
