and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
