Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
