if you like me you must not know who I am
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
