problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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