in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
