He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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