she peed on how many people?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
