Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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