Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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