My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
