I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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