just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
