This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
