Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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