community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are all done wearing pants today
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
