Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
