thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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