I think my fart just growled at me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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