Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
