her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
