apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was like giving head to a cactus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
