evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
