The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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