I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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