I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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