Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
