What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Randomize
