I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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