yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
