whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
