me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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