We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
