If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
