i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
false alarm, still single
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
