Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
