You really coming over, don't trick.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
