So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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